What would your 8-year-old self say if they saw you now? On TikTok, people are answering that question by talking about what a conversation between their younger self and present self would look like.
Set to a remix of the Keane song "Somewhere Only We Know," people are showing images of themselves when they were younger, talking directly to that younger self and telling them how life has unfolded. For some, imagining this conversation with one’s younger self can evoke nostalgia and an occasional bout of guilt (why did I say that? What if I hadn’t done that?). But for others, these videos can help us acknowledge the growth and changes we go through as we grow older, making us appreciate the accomplishments that accumulate as we age. For those that have the latter experience, talking to our younger selves could potentially help us be more kind to our present-day version.
UK-based psychotherapist and author Anna Mathur says that talking to our younger selves can help us both appreciate our accomplishments and uncover our goals.
“Nurturing a relationship with that younger version of us can be incredibly helpful in gaining important perspective as we grow older,” Mathur tells Teen Vogue. “By listening to the voice of our younger self, we can acknowledge how we ‘truly’ feel beneath the surface.”
Mathur says that many of us may consider the concerns of our younger selves childish, and therefore not worthy of consideration. Really, though, she says those concerns can help us reveal more kindness and understanding, which can sometimes get lost as we age.
“Those wonderful, younger versions of ourselves get easily dismissed,” says Mathur. “In many ways, life becomes more complex and demanding as we grow older. That’s why we need to find ways to cultivate more kindness, patience, and authenticity.”
According to Tina Mistry, PhD, some psychologists suggest that our inner child is one of multiple “selves” that comprise us. “When we create a relationship with our younger selves, we are activating a different 'self',” says Dr. Mistry. “By engaging in this we can remind ourselves about how and why we might do the things we do today, as much research implies that our behavior is often a result of thinking patterns developed from a young age.” By building a connection and activating our old self, we may be able to bring back some of those qualities of choosing, loving, and forgiving ourselves into our present.
Each of us perceives childhood differently. Some see it as a golden vignette of simple days filled with joy, while others may describe it as a time of naivety, in which they were too idealistic and too trusting. It can be easy to criticize our younger selves, as they may appear more vulnerable, needing, or emotional. But as Mathur points out, we can look back at that version of us through new eyes, and perhaps reinterpret that vulnerability in a new way. Appreciating this vulnerability can find us deepening relationships with those around us. “Instead of just pushing on, and being ‘strong’ as present you might want to be, you can also acknowledge that alongside your strength, you also require comfort and support,” says Mathur.
